there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
