guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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