The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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