I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
