literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
