Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
