I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
