He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize