I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize