I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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