i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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