I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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