Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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