I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
