Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We just shotgunned beers for America
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
