the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
