Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
