just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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