Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
