i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
