margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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