My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
COCAINE IS GR8
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
