new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
