Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
