I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
