They should really pass out barf bags in church
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She bit a glass in half.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
