Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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