you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
