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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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