I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
