found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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