since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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