I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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