Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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