Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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