So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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