it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
