party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
