i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
