Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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