I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Who died my cat blue again?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
