ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
