So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
