Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
