oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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