First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
