The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
