so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
