I cannot find my penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
