So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
