There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
