i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
