We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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