im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
