He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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