If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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