If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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