don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
