Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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