To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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