There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
