I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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