Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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