I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
pray to the hookup gods
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
