hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
