he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
