I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
